| | life's too short.. let's not make it more complicated than it needs to be.. i'm sorry.
i'm happy these days, just as you said i'd be.. i've found someone new, just as you thought i would.. to be honest i haven't thought of you for over a month now, and prior to that i could already see that you were fading from my memory.. at this point, most of the only things i remember are the mistakes i made after the fact.. it doesn't change the fact that we probably weren't going to work out, after our initial blunders.. after your fragile childhood-molded persona.. after my egocentrism and stubbornness.. after the sum of our differences.. it also doesn't change the fact that you don't know all the facts.. you don't know how i feel bout a lot of things.. a lot of the things you think you know, and have been told, are still misguided, as they usually were when we argued.. for a long time i'd want to write to you, and the words just wouldn't come.. and so i agreed with you that maybe everything that needed to be said was said.. for once, i had nothing to say.. or so i thought.
yet, if time truly dulls the human memory, i can now say that i feel as strongly about what i'm about to write as i ever did.. things ended the wrong way, even if we weren't meant to be together.. never for a moment did i cease to want to care for you, and never for a moment did i really think we wouldn't be friends.. what saddens me these days is the fact that you've let trivial figures and even more trivial circumstances make what we had trivial.. and despite the end result, i won't say that our relationship didn't have a foundation.. or that it wasn't a part of my dreams also.
so, call this the email i never bothered writing back to you.. call this the fading autumn branch of all the things i wanted to say to you, a trembling leaf in the book i'd write to you, and for you.. for you to finally see how i feel. coz, like the rest of the world, if you jus forgot bout all that i am for one second you might've actually seen who i actually am.. and no, thats not the person you've so conveniently led yourself to believe i am.. i'm not bitter - i'm still extremely lucky, and things are going better for me than they ever have - just as you predicted, again.. its a new chapter to my life i'm slowly accepting.
i don't even know what it is that led me to check up on you tonight. but i did it.. and i realize that despite it all, i still miss you. i hope you have found that new life you were so seeking, that i was unable to help you fulfill.. i hope that you are happy. i wish i could be that person still to share this xmas/newyears with you - not as your boyfriend but as a friend who actually cares - but thats one regret i'll have to live with because i hurt you.. all the best, 10/16/06 - 6:30am..
below are some of the random photos i took from the summer, see if you can pick out the shots that aren't as sharp or balanced as my usual work - all but one are from my old fuji digital cam i've long retired, and were taken in less-than-optimum conditions as "fun vacation photos" haha...
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| | Posted 10/17/2006 11:40 PM - 71 Views - 58 eProps - 36 comments
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